This Site is Dedicated to Michael & All Who Have Known His Pain.
Never let them put out your fire! Never let them extinguish your life!
Back in the early 1990s, I met Michael when I worked in a counseling center. He was a very pleasant young man whose passion was to cook. He loved to cook for other clients and staff at the center. One could see the joy that he had when he saw people enjoying his meals. But all the while, one could see the pain that lay deep inside him.
One day, I asked Michael to share with me what was really bothering him. He told me that he was not ready to talk about it. I asked him about his family. He said they would have nothing to do with him. I asked him why. He said he could not talk about it. My hope was that over a period of time, I could help him to feel comfortable enough to share with me what was really going on. I wanted to know the reason for his family’s utter rejection of him. In the meantime, we continued to talk about the goals he wanted to work on in order to move ahead in his life.
After about a month of weekly sessions, he came to me out of the blue and said that he would not be returning. I asked him to sit down in the chair beside my desk and I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. He laid his forehead on the edge of my desk, and with his eyes facing the floor, he began to weep. I gently sought to get to the bottom of his pain that day. I asked why he decided not to return for counseling. He said, “I cannot tell you.”
Not wishing to badger him, I agreed that it was okay if he wasn’t ready to talk about it. But I pleaded with him not to stop coming. He said, “We’ll see.” After he left the room, I noticed that there was a literal puddle of tears on the tile floor. That was on a Friday.
Early Monday morning, I received a call from the program director. He said that a female acquaintance of Michael’s had called to say that a tragedy had happened. Michael had come to her house to spend the weekend on her sofa. When she went out to greet him in the morning, he was unresponsive. He had apparently taken a large number of pills.
The program director told me that he would try to track down a family member and get back to me. I do not recall how he managed to contact Michael’s brother, but he was successful in doing so. But what the program director told me when he called back a few hours later broke my heart. He said that when he informed Michael’s brother that Michael had died of an overdose, the brother responded, “Who cares? He was nothing but a mother-f***ing f*gg*t anyway!”
Micheal was gay, and that is why his family wanted nothing to do with him. This is what caused him so much emotional pain that he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it.
One Single Word Can Change an Outcome — for Better or for Worse.
What finally led to this tragedy had finally come to light. Michael had experienced complete rejection from his family. He began to use drugs and alcohol in order to mitigate his pain. He had the courage to seek recovery from drug addiction at the counseling center where I worked part-time.
And then what happened? I later learned that someone at the center said loudly as Michael was passing by, “I can smell a f*gg*t a mile away!”
At the one place1 where he thought he might find the help he needed, longing for unconditional love and acceptance, one single person gave him the same hurtful treatment that he tried to escape from by leaving his home for the streets and resorting to drugs and alcohol.
When God Allows You to See Something, You Must Let It Change Your Life.
That tragic event served to change my life forever. At that point, I looked up to Heaven and told the LORD, “Lord Jesus, as long as you give me breath, and fully relying on Your power, I promise that I will do everything in my power to keep this from ever happening again.” On that day, I made the solemn decision, as my dear friend, Patti, always says, “TO BE PART OF THE SOLUTION, AND NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM.” As long as God gives me breath, I will want to tell every person in the world with same-sex attraction that I meet, “Never let the ignorant extinguish your life. Never let them extinguish your light.”
There’s Work to Do Because It’s Still Happening
Throughout the years, I have discovered that Michael was just one of thousands who ended their lives because of rejection due to their same-sex attraction—something they did not choose—for none of these dear souls would willingly choose to suffer so deeply, when all they would have to do is join the majority.
This site is dedicated to Michael. But it’s also dedicated to the many others who took the same route as Michael: Ending their lives in order to end their emotional pain and suffering at the hands of the Ignorant. It is my solemn prayer that after perusing this website, you will decide to never let the ignorant extinguish your life. You will never let them extinguish your light.
So once again, this website is dedicated to Michael and the multitude of people, young and old, who have ended their lives prematurely, due to ignorance, prejudice, and rejection—even by those religious people who “meant well.”
PLEASE PRAY THIS PRAYER WITH ME: Almighty God, I pray that by Your Holy Spirit, You will help each of us to ALWAYS be a part of the solution, and NOT part of the problem. May they never let the ignorant extinguish their lives. May they never let them extinguish their lights. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
1 NB: The behavior of this one person did not necessarily reflect the views of other staff members of the counseling center.