Never let the ignorant extinguish your life.
This site is dedicated to Michael C., who was a real person, with real feelings.
It is also dedicated to the many others who took the same route as Michael in order to end their emotional pain and suffering at the hands of the Ignorant—even if they “meant well.” Back in the early 1990s, I met Michael when I worked in a counseling center. He was a very pleasant young man whose passion was to cook. He loved to cook for other clients and staff at the center. One could see the joy that he had when he saw people enjoying the food that he had prepared. But all the while, one could see the pain that lay deep inside him.
One day, I asked Michael to share with me what was really bothering him. He told me that he was not ready to talk about it. I asked him about his family. He said they would have nothing to do with him. I asked him why. He said he could not talk about it. My hope was that over a period of time, I could help him to feel comfortable enough to share with me what was really going on inside and the reason for his family’s utter rejection of him. In the meantime, we continued to talk about the goals he wanted to work on in order to move ahead in his life.
After about a month of weekly sessions, he came to me out of the blue and said that he would not be returning—that this would be the last time I saw him. I asked him to sit down in the chair beside my desk and I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. He laid his forehead on the edge of my desk, and with his eyes facing the floor, he began to weep. I gently sought to get to the bottom of his pain that day and why he had made the decision not to return to the center for counseling. He said, “I cannot tell you.”
Not wishing to badger him, I agreed that it was okay if he wasn’t ready to talk about it, but that I hoped he would come back the following week. In fact, I pleaded with him not to stop coming. He said, “We’ll see.” After he left the room, I noticed that there was a literal puddle of tears on the tile floor. That was on a Friday.
The following Monday, very early in the morning, I received a call from the program director. I was told that a female friend of Michael’s had called to say that a tragedy had happened. Michael had come to her house to spend the weekend on her sofa. When she went out to greet him in the morning, Micheal was unresponsive. He had taken a large number of pills and died.
The program director told me that he would try to track down a family member if possible and would get back to me. I do not recall how he managed to contact Michael’s brother, but he was successful in doing so. But what the program director told me when he called back a few hours later broke my heart. He said that when he informed Michael’s brother that Michael had committed suicide, the brother responded, “Who cares? He was nothing but a mother-f***ing f*gg*t anyway!”
Micheal was gay, and that is why his family wanted nothing to do with him. This caused Michael so much emotional pain that he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it.
But then, a few days later, I received news from a client who had witnessed something that happened to Michael the week before—just before he made the decision to stop coming. It was news that would change my life.
One day, at the center, Michael and a group of fellow clients were standing out in the yard, and a highly-respected volunteer at the program was walking by with another person. This ignorant man looked toward Michael, and within Micheal’s hearing said to the other person, “That one’s a f*gg*t. I can smell them a mile away!”
What finally led to this tragedy had finally come to light. Michael had experienced complete rejection from his family. He began to use drugs and alcohol in order to mitigate his pain. He had the courage to seek recovery from drug addiction at the counseling center where I worked part-time.
And then what happened? At the one place* where he thought he might find the help he needed, longing for unconditional love and acceptance, he instead found the same vicious treatment he had tried to escape from by leaving his home for the streets and resorting to drugs and alcohol.
What God Allows You to See Must Change Your Life Too
That tragic event served to change my life forever. At that point, I looked up to Heaven and told the LORD, “Lord Jesus, as long as you give me breath, and fully relying on Your power, I promise that I will do everything in my power to keep this from ever happening again.” On that day, I made the solemn decision, as my dear friend, Patti, always says, “TO BE PART OF THE SOLUTION, AND NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM.”
And It’s Still Happening
Throughout the years, I have discovered that Michael was just one of thousands who ended their lives because of rejection due to their same-sex attraction—something they did not choose—for none of these dear souls would willingly choose to suffer so deeply, when all they would have to do is join the majority.
So once again, this website is dedicated to Michael and the multitude of people, young and old, who have ended their lives prematurely, due to ignorance, prejudice, and rejection—even by those religious people who “meant well.”
PRAYER: Almighty God, I pray in Jesus’ name, that by Your Holy Spirit, You will help each of us to ALWAYS be a part of the solution, and NOT part of the problem. Amen.
* NB: The behavior of this one volunteer did not necessarily reflect the views of other staff members of the counseling center.